Simple Guy – Fm May 29th, 2015

Here’s the deal.
I’m a simple guy.
I try to get along with everyone and everything on this planet. Most things don’t bother me. I don’t get upset that the recent weather sucks like an F5 tornado. Hefner Parkway at a dead stop? Turn up the radio and just wait it out. Another hairball session at 2:00am with the alarm set at 5:00am so I can get to the gym early? Che serà, serà. Those things in human nature, mother nature or the eerily unnatural do not rule my moods. If I feel myself going over the top I control my breathing, think of puppies and recite lines from Ferris Bueller. I don’t wish for outlandish things I can’t hope to have. Well, except for maybe world peace and gravy without lumps. But the general idea is I’m trying to be a better, calmer, more realistic and more humane human.
Buuut, I do have a few hard, fast rules. Here is a representative sampling. These are not all my rules for living but it might give you an idea where my mind resides and how not to piss me off.
I will treat everyone with the measure of respect they have earned and deserve regardless of race, gender, religious preference, political affiliation, sexual preference or species. If you make any attempt to convert me to your way of thinking without my written, notarized permission I will put you down. No warnings.
I am a patient individual. I understand we all have bad days and are not all blessed with sufficient intelligence to keep from fucking up even the simplest of tasks. But, if your persistent stupidity and ignorance threatens the well-being and sanity of unwitting bystanders I will put you down. No warnings.
I’m not a cop. I will absolutely profile your ass. If you look like a thug, a drunk, act unstable or just look at me wrong you will have 100% of my attention. If I detect any inclination on your part to do harm to myself or any innocent person or persons I will put you down. No warnings.
If you’re a child, dog, cat (well, most any harmless animal), a relative or someone I like (this group is rather small) these rules don’t apply. You can probably take advantage of my good natured character ad infinitum. For the most part.
Some other things I believe:
I believe that teachers, cops and all caregivers should be paid more than politicians, sports figures and celebrities. They contribute to society in a positive way and I can’t for the life of me understand why we worship people on the TV screen and kowtow to the idiots in DC. Guess I’m just not that bright.
I believe that the first lessons children should be taught are respect and empathy for others. Respect and empathy for other people, the creatures who share our planet and the planet itself. I don’t care if kids are aces at algebra or phenomenal athletes. Without respect and empathy they are just contributing to the slow and painful degradation of society. Teach your kids how to care.
I believe that you and I will disagree from time to time. I respect that. I expect you to do the same. Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I think you’re wrong. Most of the time. If I see that you are steadfast in your beliefs and cannot be swayed I may still think you’re an idiot but I won’t press the issue. There’s nothing dumber than trying to argue sense to dumbass. So if at some point during our discussions I stop talking at least you’ll know what I’m thinking.
Always seek a peaceful state of mind regardless of the confusion around you. Don’t always construe another person’s ill mood as a personal attack. Nine out of ten times when a person flips you off on the highway it just ain’t your fault. And if it is just wave and smile. It will actually piss them off even more and they’ll probably think you’re demented and carrying a loaded weapon. Better than elevating your blood pressure and yelling back at them. And more satisfying.
Your actions are a reflection of who you are inside. Before you yell, scream and stomp your feet just know that is how you will be remembered.
Oh, and don’t be a troll. I will put you down. No warning.


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